by Isadora Petrovsky
My ex didn’t believe in essential oils
But I like the smell
Cold brew coffee with agave
Ice with a shot of milk
Slips down my throat with antidepressants
Never thought I’d say that
Also didn’t think I’d be up this late
The one where people die for equality
And still don’t get it
You don’t need religion or spirituality
To believe people have souls
Though I guess it’s hard
With humanity showing it’s true colors
No one said even the good were perfect
All still human
Smells familiar find me a lot
I forget where they are from
Masked by years
Of a clouded brain
I seem happier
Taking pills to boost what I don’t have
I’ve written more
Been more productive
And all of that
Yet, I do not.
Days fade in and out like dreams
Time is irrelevant.
My ex is a boy cloaked in a man’s body I never even met
I said it was me,
But it was a lot of things
Little lies we tell others to make them feel better
Little lies we tell ourselves
Be happy with what you have
Wait it out and see what happens
One must understand
That I am unsatisfied
I take in all of it and need more
Is this world of humans
A glass of cranberry juice every morning
A second when you forget the meds
I’ve gained weight in quarantine
That’s no surprise
I battle with trying to get myself to exercise
To love my body the way it is
Fix my mental health
And enjoy the skin I’m in
Perhaps meditation seems stupid to you
But it helps me sleep
Is this too real?
I mean come on.
What do you expect me to say?
The truth is I’m working on it, but I’m already doing better
I need to be patient with myself
And push back harder
When things get rough
I need to go to bed earlier too.
Smells like the oil I use for perfume.