A Collection of Entries

by Nicholas Frank

This year has been a crash course in all things destructive.

As much as I want to be a force for good in a world that fuels hatred,

it’s not possible when I ignite that fuel and burn myself to ashes.

What had defined me was who I was to other people

But I do not know if I am open to myself about 

what I am and who I love – is that what defines me?

It’s hard to take long, reflective walks

when you see signs and flags reminding you

that you don’t belong here. I’ll stay home.

The bags under my eyes

are almost as heavy as

the weight of the world

Will it all burn 

down or will I

burn out first

going out with a whimper is not an option – I have made up in my mind that I will let my flame burn bright before it burns out

I got out of

bed late, but at

least I got out

My actions meant something

today and I haven’t felt

so awake in three weeks

My archaeologist self dug deep into 

my own thoughts and self at 4:15 AM

The pressure is unbearable down here

Today I was told “I love you” by a bunch of people

I felt validated because for once in my life, I actually

realized – wait, they meant it. I guess I’m lovable after all

I think a lot about the world around me and how awful it is, but

if I can’t get through my own day anymore, I can’t begin to help it.

I deserve to focus on who I am. This is the start of a new me, it seems

Author

post.bottomline@gmail.com

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November 14, 2020

Excerpts from "Of Christ"

November 14, 2020

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