Coroner’s Log

by Isadora H. Petrovsky

Coroner’s Log 

Data Base DX4T*

Last Date Accessed Year 4000 A.E.D. (After Earth’s Death)

Log Sorted by Most Recently Viewed

I.

Dread Pirate Captain Cavira

Born 3025 A.E.D. – Presumed Dead 3070 A.E.D.

Last Seen in the Galatex Region

Outlawed, abandoned, and reviled by all in His Glorious Empire, may the Seventeen Galaxies know her for who she truly was: a murderer and a thief. In fact, if there were not an electro-blade whizzing inches from my throat there would be no record of her death at all. For who should know the Heart Stealer: killer of planets and Emperors?

She leaves her wretched crew behind, garbage the lot of them. 

This idiot is lucky this is all digital, his blood would have fucked up my Captain’s memory. 

Let me fix this. 

[ERROR UNABLE TO REDACT]

[ERROR]

[ERROR]

[UNAUTHORIZED USER DETECTED, SHUTTING DOWN DATA BASE IN]

[5…4…3…2…]

She carried the dust of stars within her and yet smeared her face with the grime of man.

[1. SYSTEM REBOOTING]

II. 

Lord Pophonious of Planet Monaster

Born 2945 A.E.D.-Died 3069 A.E.D.

The Bountiful One

The Lord of the magnificent Planet Monaster, favored by His Glorious Emperor, wealthiest man in all Seventeen Galaxies (under His Glorious Emperor of course), and Keeper of the Heart. Trusted with His Glorious Empire’s most valued object, defender of The Preserving Ways, and man of the Golden God. He died defending his homeland and the empire. His heart was valiant, and he will be sorely missed by his constituents. No realm shall ever be as prosperous under the man who once protected the Heart.

He leaves no family behind.

He locked the Heart away where neither red dirt nor starlight could touch it. Shining and clean it was, basking in the light of his alter erected to the Golden God. Never was the Heart ever Purer.

Coroner’s Note: Second oldest living human in recorded A.E.D. History following His Glorious Emperor

III.

His Glorious Emperor

Born 2021A.D.- Died 3070 A.E.D.

Infinite and Magnanimous Until His Dying Days

The ruler of all Seventeen Galaxies, His Glorious Empire. Ruler of Hearts and Keeper of Men, there is no one in all of space and time greater than he. He bore the weight of Earth’s Core, the Heart of Humanity, as he traveled from the dying planet into the unknown. The Seventeen Galaxies will forever be grateful to him for saving the Last of Humanity and for coming to the new world. He established The Preserving Ways to keep Humanity from almost dying out again. Wise and just, he protected his people by hiding away the Heart so no soul could steal it and wreak havoc on His Glorious Empire. 

He is the only ruler the Seventeen Galaxies has ever known, and its people are lost and destitute without his guidance.

[GOLD LEVEL AUTHORIZATION GRANTED]

[VIEWING REDACTED INFORMATION]

One thief cannot condemn another. While they suffered you hid away on your ship with their lifeline and rode into the stars. I step down from the stars to give it back to them. 

[INFORMATION MADE INVISIBLE. PLEASE ENTER ACCESS CODE TO VIEW AGAIN]

IV. 

Naomi Veran

Born 3001 A.E.D.-Died 3090 A.E.D.

Mother, Lover, Friend

A street sweeper on Planet Monaster in the city of Yarb. Quiet woman, who kept close to friends and family. Not a prominent figure in society, but her community thanks her for her efforts to rebuild after the death of His Glorious Emperor and the restoration of the Heart.

Despite her life in obscurity, she was well loved. 

She leaves a son, a wife, and a best friend behind. 

Coroner’s Note: Her family had beautiful things to say of her, but they could not afford so many lines in the log. Her wife and son requested a line from her favorite work of literature.

“Hearts should not be wound in golden chains, bound in the darkness where drops of starlight and speckles of dust cannot reach them. If but one has the ability to affect the heart of another, utilizing the mineral of their soul, their life is well lived.”

On Love: The Collective Philosophical Works of Briar Huron

Author

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April 14, 2021

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